first thing HAPPY NEW YEAR! It's 2010! And I'm sec 4 already, not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Good being I'm the most senior already in school ( though i don't feel so ) and bad being that O-levels are round the corner ( though it's months away but i already feel the pressure) and also it's my last year in Nan Hua (which i really really love ) and last but not least, English Drama Club! ( I absolutely love EDC! )
It's been an eventful 2009 & it's special and endearing to me . From the stress from mid-year and end of year and tonnes of tests and homework to the really fun stuff like EDC farewell party for the sec 4 and friends. And the worst part being my sister leaving for HK to work (which means my best friend/ATM has left...) [And i'm still coping with it, being the only child at home and nobody at home to talk to and stuff. Plus she's sort of my tutor whenever i need help with math and other subjects other than bio. So i really don't know how/what i am going to do when i need help with school works] so hopefully everything will go well this year, alone. it feels both good and bad being all alone without my sister. good as in at least i don't get asked to do stuff (but mostly willingly) and bad because she's really fun to be with and we do so much stuff together and we got to know more about each other since my second sister's death in 07. plus her boyfriend treats me really well. so i miss them and stuff. so now i sort of feel hollow because i'm alone to face whatever life throws at me and to deal with family affairs (which i really need to vent it all out later)
it's sad no doubt plus family affairs are really killing me and i feel so frustrated. i mean i do hope that my mum can be better and my dad can really do something about my mum. i can write the whole day about my mum and her antics (which pisses my sister and i alot) and well my dad not doing anything to control my mum. seriously, i think i can get a mental breakdown or depression soon if this continues, whenever i think of my mum's antics and the stuff she says i can't stop sobbing. it's really a HUGE stress for me and despite me talking to my father about it, my father is not doing anything about it and he just gives in ALOT- almost all the time. So naturally my mum will start taking advantage (since no one dares to complain or at least talk to her) and she eventually becomes a dictator- a communist country. an example would be my mum lying/making stories up to her friends/relatives that she is the one who gives me weekly allowance. you guys can think of it "does it matters if it's ur mum or dad who gives you allowance?" well apparently it does because firstly it's my dad who is giving me allowance and my mum just cooked that story up to make herself look noble in front of her friends. and secondly she said the same lie about giving allowance to my sis years back when my sis is studying uni. and so now my mum ,who is never satisfied, complains to others that my sis is not giving her enough monthly allowance. so as you can tell this will probably be my fate when i start working. there's this chinese saying 虎毒不食子。which means (literally) that no matter how evil a tiger is, it will never devour it's own cub, but that doesn't apply to my mum sadly. she likes to go around and complain how bad her kids are and stuff. plus it's really hurtful when my mum just keeps repeating her complaints over and over and over again to everyone she sees. and to make matters worse my dad does not step in and intervene, so my mum will just keep having everything her way. and the stories about my mum's antics and endless. and so when i spoke to my dad about this situation, all he could tell me was to ignore her and just let her be. like seriously? firstly how am i supposed to ignore her? she's my mum and she can see me everyday and secondly if i ignore her she will just keep calling and calling and calling my name till i answer her (eg: i was busy doing something and all she wanted was a cup of COFFEE [ which i'm pretty sure she could make herself-god it's not rocket science just add water and milk to a cup with a coffee bag!] she would just keep calling and calling my name till i make her a coffee. i know it's called filial piety and i should help my mum but i'm busy, please be reasonable) so i can't ignore her and even if i do successfully ignore her, when i see her later she would scold me for not answering her call. and next just let her be? to become what? from bad to worse? till she start abusing her power and expects everyone to give in to her? and just to FYI my mum is unreasonable to my dad as well (eg: my mum expects my dad to be her personal chauffeur wait there's a catch... and a chauffeur to her friends as well. for what you ask? so that my mum's friends can reach our place for mahjong on time. i mean for close friends it's definitely ok but for mahjong kakis? erm no it's not ok. and i told my dad my mum is unreasonable and sometimes it's illogical as well so are we supposed to give way too? there's a limit to giving in. what ever happened to sometimes we must give in and take in order to have a happy marriage? we have given in too many times, like umpteen times and my mum has taken one time too many. i really sometimes can't stop wondering if there's really any love in between my parents anymore or is it just like silently become a superior and subordinate kind of relationship, obliged to work for them. or is it because my dad just wants to have a intact family for us kids and not a broken one (and mind you my mum did threatened to get a divorce with my dad [over something ever so minor- which is to collect a pot from my mum's friend (which my mum sees everyday at work) and my dad just sent the pot over to my mum's friend and now he's expected to collect it when he just drove there to send it to my mum's friend like 5 mins ago?] and my dad didn't dare to disobey my mum ever since) which highlights again my mum expecting my dad to be a chauffeur/delivery boy.
and there's more to come. eg my trip to HK this hols. my mum disallowed me to go visit my sister coz she thinks my trip is way too long-(12-30 dec), well yes it's no doubt it's long but hello i'm there to meet my sister, i'm not there to commit crimes or anything! my mum in her desperate attempt to not allow me to go, she only allowed me 1 week which of course i said no coz it's so rush. and she cites various ridiculous and stupid and outrageous and illogical reasons to not let me go which is.... i'll be abducted when i'm in hk. like wtf why would i be, i'm not famous and i'm in a foreign country! ok so my dad has to come with me in what was supposed to be a single person trip to hk. and not sure if my mum realises this, she'll be alone at home. just thinking of this is both hysterical and pissing.
errrrr, there's so much more things to write about but i'm tired already. it's so pissing and really irritates the hell out of me. i know i know, never wash the dirty laundry outside and 家丑不可外扬 and 家家有本难念的经。just hope miracles do happen and all will be well