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Saturday, April 23, 2011 1:30 PM

I'm really lost. JC life is so fast and everything is zooming past me. Remember when we were young, everything was as easy as A,B,C. But now everything is so different and so much more difficult. Math is killing me by the seconds. I can feel every inch of me squirming when I go for math lecture. I want to understand, I try to understand but I just fail to understand. It's like I don't get it, why are we learning all this when we all know this isn't going to help me in the future. Honestly, sometimes I do wish that I went to poly instead. The stress in NJC is killing me. I may look like I'm coping well but in actual fact, I'm dying slowly. I'm not that strong or smart after all.

When we were in Secondary school, I had this mentality that I was smart, so did my parents and my sister. But it turns out that I'm not. I'm one of those that has been spoon-fed by the teachers with ways/methods and answers. I'm like a robot, once things change I can't do it anymore. I just feel like quitting everything and do something that I really enjoy. On the other hand, I don't want to disappoint my family and myself. How contradicting.

Volunteering at ACS Barker and seeing all the young kids there playing/studying/sleeping/fighting makes me nostalgic. It's so ironic that when we were young, we always wanted to be older and have freedom. But now that we're older, we want to be a young kid and be so carefree without worries. Cycle of life is so short yet we're immersing ourselves in pointless stuff. I really want to take a break from Singapore and just leave and never come back. A society that places merits above everything. I would rather live somewhere else than here. I would rather be something else than a human. I would rather be a child forever than an adult.

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