Sometimes I feel like I'm really immature. I can't really describe how I feel but I think I'm really quite naive for a 17. I laugh at random things and I kind of think and see the world in a very simplistic manner.
I think the song is quite nice after I heard it for like 2 seconds when I walked pass a store. I noticed that like songs that are nice always exploit vulnerable people. I mean like Beautiful by Christina is about like accepting yourself even if you're fat and what not. This song is also something similar except that there's like fuck in every 2 sentence.
I want to work as a comedian or be a stand-up comedian or something. I have thought before that Belvia, Yi Ting, Yi Feng and I should just leave school like those US delinquents and go be a comedian. It's quite normal for the angmoh kids to skip school and be a model/actor/waitress/petrol pump assistant/comedian when they're like 16 plus. So why not? I really feel humoring people is quite fun leh and you get paid as well. I imagine us sitting on high stool in black all over and with the spot lights just shining on us.
Kind of like this with us sitting on high stool. Snapping out of it and going back to reality, we all know our lives is never the same as what we've thought. We'll probably be stuck in a 9-5 job in a 10x10 cubicle with the computer screen on.
I don't even feel like reading for Chem SPA anymore. I'm so tired. Shall read HP later.
I really enjoy reading people's blog a lot. Especially Yi Ting's one. Despite her hollow head and weird thinking process (she sees herself as a third party), her blog posts are ridiculously hilarious. What frozen terrapin and Phd holder mum. I'm starting to feel that PW is a pain in the arse. EOM sucks ttm coz I've no idea what to write. I just want to have the warm blanket over me and read Harry Potter now instead of typing slowly on my laptop and surfing Facebook every ten minutes.
Speaking of arse, Belvia sat on me today during cca. It's a damn ridiculous story and it's sort of difficult to describe using words. But anyway, she stood up and was like re-enacting the Bon Qui Qui scene (Youtube madtv bon qui qui at king burger) to this loud-ass JH4 (Her voice is deafening and irritating at the same time). My face just slammed onto the floor from all the laughing and she just sat on me. SAT ON ME! WTF! Her butt just laid on my cheek like damn casually. Her skirt ain't clean btw. There's blood on it. Go figure.
I'm feeling damn cold now from the air-con. It's set to 26 already still so damn cold. Got to finish writing the eom...
I had an epiphany. Let's just face it, no matter what people have been telling you over the years that studies is very important, you know that when you have a job in the future you're not going to apply Functions into your work. Do something that's more important. Have a life.
Have you ever felt a strong urge to help someone get out of misery? This afternoon I watched a documentary called Kimjongilia on History Channel. It's really sad and just beyond words to see people suffering there and kids eating food off the ground. I've been interested in life of North Koreans for quite some time, I think it's really amazing how a man can make millions worship him like God while his country is in a horrible state. The documentary shows how brainwashed the people are. They don't know what's like outside their hermit country and only few get to escape from it. Speaking of which, I might be going North Korea this September holiday as there's this new flight route from Singapore to North Korea. I want to go so badly but on the other hand I've read reports on the Chinese newspaper that cannibalism is common there. Kids have been reported to be abducted, killed and made into, ironically, hamburger patties for kids meal.
Watch this trailer. Anyway in the documentary, there's this lady called Mrs Kim who defected from North Korea. Her entire family is presumably dead due to various reasons. Her husband got arrested for an unnamed crime and she's all alone now cause all her kids died. I mean looking at the increase in civilian disagreements over the government and leadership all over the world now, including Singapore, we've witnessed the power of the social media. Maybe social media is the answer to the end of North Koreans' suffering. It's kind of flawed, I know, considering that they don't have access to the Internet and even if they do, it's probably to websites that glorifies the leadership.
It's like God's will or something, I'm playing Kiss sung by the wonderful Glee(!) while I'm going to write something about kissing. Went to the library today and there was this young couple, like 15/16 seated diagonally opposite me. The guy was like putting his hand over the girl's shoulder and was like, from where I was seated, groping her boobs or something. Not sure exactly as there might be parallax error but he was touching or at least caressing her boobs. Then it continued for a while and then they started to French kiss. Like with lots of lips and tongue going around. All this while there were people around them and an uncle opposite them.
Public Display of Affection Alert. I'm open to it, I mean ok, you're displaying your affection to your partner but this is my first time seeing like young couple doing it in public. It's like watching STOMP come to life! It's like STOMP-worthy kind of news that Singaporeans with user names like ShockedSingaporean would post on STOMP with their faces blurred. Anyway, back to the story, they were like this close to getting a room. And why are they even in the library, if you wanna kiss then I suppose a library isn't the suitable place to kiss. May I suggest the void deck or the disabled toilet?
Oh well just remember to practice safe sex like Yi Ting would put it.
I just finished watching 2 seasons of Glee. It's different from other type of shows that I've watched. It's like a way better version of High School Musical that's not about Zac Efron's hair or something. I love Sue, her humour and the way she delivers it in a monotone voice is hilarious. I've so many shows to watch come September. There's HIMYM, The Big Bang Theory, Glee and Modern Family.
I know I sound like I've no life other than watching American sitcoms from Funshion and commenting on people's PDA but there's really nothing much to do in Singapore. Hong Kong just seems so much better in many ways despite the extremely hot weather during summer.
On a side note, I want to get so many books from Kino. I want to buy the book on commoners in North Korea, book on many facts that we're wrong on and a book on the 2011 GE by Catherine Lim. Don't judge me, I'm born this way.
Maybe we should just give up. Or rather maybe I should give up. I now find it really absurd that we have to slog our life through school and other commitments when we should just let it go. Be detached to the academic world where peer pressure roams around like a tiger on hunt for all of us. Why can't we just sail right through all this tests and what not and just do our best at the end of the day. Last year during Prelims, I was killing myself to study, but in the end as my sister has dutifully pointed out, it really doesn't matter what you get for Prelims. She was right.
When I was in Primary school, I wasn't the really smart, I just sailed through it and still did ok-ish for PSLE. I didn't get into the school of my choice and this actually struck me. That's when I started to sell my soul and what not to school. Sometimes I admire Yi Ting a lot. She doesn't care a hoot about her out of control life but is more concerned about where to meet with Belvia during our break. I find students in NJC generally very peculiar. They like Wednesday where they shout "FRIED FOOD DAY!" out loud. Really? Your whole life is just revolving around academics and *gulp* fried food? Don't you have a life outside this grey jail?? As much as I love the people in NJC , well some at least, I really don't get some of them. They are like "wow you went out this weekend? So free ah?" Or something along that line.
Whatever screw all of you!
Anyway I've been watching an American sitcom called THE BIG BANG THEORY. It's really funny and just makes me want to kill myself. Why can't our life be an American sitcom? Why can't we cue the audience to laugh at our disposal? Why can't we make a joke out of everything we say? I love sitcoms and Funshion. You make my life so much better.
I just finished reading this book by Amy Chua. It's about a rather controversial Chinese way of parenting that even as a Singaporean Chinese, I find it very extreme as well. In the book, Amy (the mother) forces her children to practice violin and piano for long hours. Of course, her two children are musically talented and can play really well on the instrument. Amy's second daughter, Louisa aka Lulu, is well, more rebellious than her elder sister Sophia. But my whole point is that, is Chinese parenting the best way to raise your child? As a Chinese teenager brought up by Chinese parents, I must agree that my mother played a huge role in my childhood. I was "forced" to bring small packets of Apollo cake to primary school to eat during recess. I hated those cakes, it was horrible. My mother had warned me that she would know if I threw away any of those cakes. Foolishly, I actually believed her words and I kept those cakes in my file. After a few weeks, my file grew larger and larger and my mum could smell a rat. She opened my file and to her horror, found many packets of cake squashed between my papers. Busted. I was caned if I didn't remember wrongly.
It has always been a Chinese way of parenting I suppose, to cane, to threaten and to scold your kids whenever they disobey you. My mum would often bribe me to do things and well it turns out to be an empty promise after all. She would threaten to cane me if I did not obey her and would even go crazy if I broke/lost something. But in the end, I still love my mum no matter what. Today is Mother's Day and it dawned upon me that all these years when I was still in primary school and even up till I was Sec 4, I always held a grudge against her. I some how hated her. I always admired other kids' mum. I wanted them to be my mother as they're nice and do not scold their kids publicly. But now at 17, I really treasure my mum a lot. She has taught me everything to survive and though I disagree with what she does sometimes and is rather embarrassed by her actions at times, I still love her. She may be loud, demanding and definitely not a great cook, but she is my mum and I love her for all these imperfections.
She may not be the best mum out there but she's my mum and to me she's just great being who she is. She may like to play mahjong a lot and it disturbs me but I know that I'm going to miss the sound of shuffling tiles when I go overseas to study in the future. I may dislike her horrible porridge but I'll miss her cooking somehow or the other. She may be loud and her voice can be heard ten miles away but I'll miss her calling me from far asking me to do things in the future.
I'll treasure my family more and especially my mother. She has been there with me all these while, looking after me, the Chinese way (though not as strict as Amy Chua with her kids).
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MA!
This photo was taken in 2007/8. It's been so long since we had a family trip together. It has been individual trips overseas these few years. Hopefully we can go somewhere this year as a family but my mum always says that she has been to many places already and it's not worthwhile visiting the same place multiple times.
I'm really lost. JC life is so fast and everything is zooming past me. Remember when we were young, everything was as easy as A,B,C. But now everything is so different and so much more difficult. Math is killing me by the seconds. I can feel every inch of me squirming when I go for math lecture. I want to understand, I try to understand but I just fail to understand. It's like I don't get it, why are we learning all this when we all know this isn't going to help me in the future. Honestly, sometimes I do wish that I went to poly instead. The stress in NJC is killing me. I may look like I'm coping well but in actual fact, I'm dying slowly. I'm not that strong or smart after all.
When we were in Secondary school, I had this mentality that I was smart, so did my parents and my sister. But it turns out that I'm not. I'm one of those that has been spoon-fed by the teachers with ways/methods and answers. I'm like a robot, once things change I can't do it anymore. I just feel like quitting everything and do something that I really enjoy. On the other hand, I don't want to disappoint my family and myself. How contradicting.
Volunteering at ACS Barker and seeing all the young kids there playing/studying/sleeping/fighting makes me nostalgic. It's so ironic that when we were young, we always wanted to be older and have freedom. But now that we're older, we want to be a young kid and be so carefree without worries. Cycle of life is so short yet we're immersing ourselves in pointless stuff. I really want to take a break from Singapore and just leave and never come back. A society that places merits above everything. I would rather live somewhere else than here. I would rather be something else than a human. I would rather be a child forever than an adult.
I've been listening to this song called "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele. I love the song's lyrics. It tells a story and a very meaningful one as well.
There's a fire starting in my heart, Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark,
Finally, I can see you crystal clear, Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your shit bare, See how I'll leave with every piece of you, Don't underestimate the things that I will do,
There's a fire starting in my heart, Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark,
The scars of your love remind me of us, They keep me thinking that we almost had it all, The scars of your love, they leave me breathless, I can't help feeling,
We could have had it all, (You're gonna wish you never had met me), Rolling in the deep, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep), You had my heart inside of your hands, (You're gonna wish you never had met me), And you played it to the beat, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
Baby, I have no story to be told, But I've heard one on you and I'm gonna make your head burn, Think of me in the depths of your despair, Make a home down there as mine sure won't be shared,
The scars of your love remind me of us, (You're gonna wish you never had met me), They keep me thinking that we almost had it all, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep), The scars of your love, they leave me breathless, (You're gonna wish you never had met me), I can't help feeling, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
We could have had it all, (You're gonna wish you never had met me), Rolling in the deep, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep), You had my heart inside of your hands,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me), And you played it to the beat, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
Could have had it all, Rolling in the deep, You had my heart inside of your hands, But you played it with a beating,
Throw your soul through every open door, Count your blessings to find what you look for, Turn my sorrow into treasured gold, You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me), We could have had it all, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep), We could have had it all, (You're gonna wish you never had met me), It all, it all, it all, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
We could have had it all, (You're gonna wish you never had met me), Rolling in the deep, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep), You had my heart inside of your hands, (You're gonna wish you never had met me), And you played it to the beat, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
Could have had it all, (You're gonna wish you never had met me), Rolling in the deep, (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep), You had my heart inside of your hands,
But you played it, You played it, You played it, You played it to the beat.
JC life is super hectic and busy. Everyday I just feel like going to bed right after I get back from school. Gotta do PW...
